One month old already!

Everyone tells us to enjoy every moment because it goes so quickly. It sure does! I keep reminding myself of that.

Our little guy was one month old on Monday. We took him to his one-month check-up. One thing I wanted to ask about was if it was normal and OK that his umbilical cord stump had not yet fallen off. When I bathed and dressed him that morning it was still attached. When we got to the doctor's office and I undressed him I noticed it was just hanging. The doctor took a look at it and said it was fine and it would fall off soon. When we got home I changed his diaper and it was still there and when my husband did the next diaper change it fell off.

They did not tell us what percentile he is in for height or weight but he is now 12 pounds, 3 ounces, and 23.5 inches! He has gained over 3 pounds and 2.5 inches since birth! Everyone always says how big he is or how he doesn't even look like a newborn. They did not tell us his head circumference and I forgot to ask. From what I can tell online his height is 90th percentile and his weight is between 75 and 90.

I can't remember if I wrote this before but he started smiling around 2.5 weeks, those big smiles, not those little ones that people are say are just "gas." He gave his dad a huge grin somewhere around 2.5 weeks. And at 3.5 weeks he started sleeping through the night almost every night, approximately 5-6 hours, usually close to 6. It makes me very happy!

Getting ready for Christmas this year has been more challenging. I mailed his birth announcements on the 12th and just got the Christmas card pictures out this week. People probably think we're nuts sending all these pictures. He is gorgeous though and I want to show him off!

Things are going well.

We are settling into some sort of routine, my little man and I. One night he slept approximately 5 hours which was great, and another for approximately 4 hours, but mostly he sleeps 2-3 hours at a time and wakes up to eat in between. I deal with it better some days than others. If he eats, gets his diaper changed, and goes right back to sleep, it's fairly easy. But when he fusses and fusses and won't settle afterwards, it's hard to function. I am not one who does well on little sleep. I wind up just sleeping when he sleeps til about noon and then I stay up except for maybe a nap or two til sometime after midnight.

Yesterday I did not even get a shower until my husband got home from work. Last Tuesday and yesterday were definitely his fussiest days thus far. He is doing better today than yesterday. I feel so bad when he's fussy because I think it means something is wrong but what I do not know.

He is doing better with sleeping in his cosleeper bassinet. And on days he wants to be held my Moby wrap comes in handy. He stayed in it for quite awhile yesterday but then today he wanted no part of it. I haven't quite figured him out yet.

He is such a doll though and my husband continues to dote on him as well. He is really great. When I get exhausted and teary he is always there for me. I truly don't know how single moms do it. I totally need my husband's support and for him to take the baby some days when he gets home so I can have a little break.

Our portrait session went well last week. We have some adorable shots of him and a few family shots as well. I'm working on designing our Christmas picture card now at the same time as trying to get address labels ready for the mailing of the birth announcements.

Nursing like a champ!

I am so relieved to report that breastfeeding is going very well! Our little guy was weighed again today at his doctor appointment five days after his last weigh-in when he was 8 pounds, 13 ounces. He has since passed his birth weight of 9 pounds, 2 ounces, and is now 9 pounds, 5 ounces.

I also had my staples removed today. It was slightly uncomfortable, stung a bit, but no big deal. We had a very busy day with doctor's appointments in the late morning and early afternoon and then a shopping expedition today. I got a bunch more baby stuff I needed from Target and Babies R Us, but the one thing I set out to get was a hamper and Target did not have any (well, in the baby section anyway) and Babies R Us only had brown, pink, and blue in the style for which I registered for (in sage). I'd have even settled for the ecru but that was out of stock too. :( They had a nice wicker one but it was $50. I'll just look elsewhere. I did get a baby book for him and I'm eager to start writing stuff down! We also got the contoured changing pad and changing pad cover. My hubby and brother-in-law picked up the furniture on Saturday but did not get it put together yet. I'm hoping my husband can put it together tomorrow night, maybe after our portrait appointment. Oh my word, we got the cutest little Santa costume for him to wear. I might do a baseball outfit too and a bear outfit for his third change of clothes.

Oh, well, little man is fussing right now. It's time to go feed him again. :)

Swaddling...ahh!

I swaddled my baby the last two nights. The first night (Thanksgiving) was our worst night yet. It seemed he would never settle and go to sleep for good. He'd go to sleep but would wake right back up seeming to want to eat. I was so scared I was going to be holding him and drop him if I drifted off! Last night I tried swaddling again and I was shocked when one time he went three hours without waking! It's funny to think I'm excited about a 3-hour stretch! Maybe my swaddle was better the second night. I use either receiving blankets or a SwaddleMe. I'm praying tonight is another good night. He really is such a good baby. He usually only cries if he's hungry or if his diaper is soiled. My husband has been a HUGE help with the dirty diapers. He changed them way before I did and probably has done a lot more than I have although I get to do all the middle-of-the night ones now.

My little guy got to meet his aunt (my sister who is a year younger than I am), his uncle (her hubby), and his three cousins (ages 9, 7, and 3) today. My sister brought us some homemade soup too which she heated up for lunch for us. Yum! My hubby and I have a hard time remembering to eat! My little nephew (the 3-year-old) kept telling me the baby had little hands and little ears. But when I was changing the baby's diaper and asked if he wanted to see his little feet while they were uncovered he said no. Kids are so funny.

My baby has arrived! Birth story here!

On Friday, 11/18, my water broke somewhere around 6:40 a.m. at the same time I started noticing time-able contractions. Right away they were 3 minutes apart and lasting 45-55 minutes. I called my midwife at that time and she asked me to time them for an hour and to call her back. I called her back at approximately 8:00 a.m. to let her know they were still 3 minutes apart lasting almost a minute. We also called my doula and they both got there by 9:00 a.m. My midwife checked me at 9:20 and I was at 3 cm but she said, "What color has your fluid been?" and I said, "Clear, streaked with red." And she said, "Not brown? Look at this." So I got up and looked at the pad and it was totally brown. I wanted to cry! She said it was meconium and I told her it did not look like that earlier and she assured me it just meant they had to keep a closer eye on things and would listen to the baby's heartbeat more often. I was a little nervous but figured she's seen this before. Throughout the day it did seem to get less brown and more of a yellowish color. When she checked my BP she also said it was "up" but said it was OK and did not tell me what it was. I was a bit nervous about that because at my appointment two days prior it was also "up" and I thought that it was at the level where a home birth was no longer safe. I guess I felt if I had to go the hospital I'd rather know sooner than later.

I labored for what felt like forever, in the tub, out of the tub, in the shower, taking walks around the neighborhood, upstairs, and downstairs. It seems strange but my favorite spot seemed to be the toilet. At one point my doula put a pillow on the back of the toilet and I straddled the toilet (with lid closed) backwards. I knocked a candle off the back of the toilet which fell and chipped the porcelain right off the tub! Oh, well, I have my battle scars and the tub has its battle scars. My doula fed me bites of food in between contractions and urged me to sip on drinks after each contraction. I drank several bottles of water, Gatorade, and Recharge while in labor. I even threw up a few times which the doula assured me was a good thing. The contractions were intense but I feel I was handling them well. At the next check I was 5 cm (1:15/1:30 p.m.) and at the next check I was 7 cm (4:45/4:50 p.m.). While I was being checked I felt like I could keep going as long as I was making progress but I did say all the typical things like, "Who would do this a second time?" and "I can't go on." At one point I said an epidural would be delightful and could someone remind me why I didn't want an epidural. My doula laughed at me and rattled off a bunch of reasons to which I kept nodding. Everyone was there to encourage me and tell me how great I was doing. I had my husband, my mom, my doula, and the two midwives. The midwives were pretty hands-off just kept checking in on me once in awhile but giving me privacy. My doula was with me for the most part but she left me alone for a bit a few times as well.

At approximately 6:30 I was in the shower and I remember screaming that my butt felt weird. Everyone assured me that was good, that the baby was moving down. I did not like that feeling one bit but liked that it meant progress!

At approximately 8:30 my midwife gave me a tincture. I did not ask what it was. I had sort of withdrawn at that point, was just concentrating on labor.

At my last check (around 11:30 p.m.) my midwife took my BP, listened to the baby's heart rate, and checked my cervix. After the BP and HR checks the midwives just looked at each other. I caught their glance and remember just knowing something was wrong. After the cervix check (which showed I was still at 7-8 cm after hours of being there) my midwife started talking and said she had a few concerns. She reminded me how our goal was "safe birth, not home birth." 1) My BP was up to 160/100. 2) The inside of my vagina was very hot. 3) There was still a good amount of meconium in the fluid. 4) The baby's heart rate wasn't good (hovering in the range of 160-170). She said it was time to think about going to the hospital. I said, "OK, where are we going?" because we had two back-up plans: Plan B, where things were going OK but moving too slowly where we'd go to the "home birth friendly" hospital an hour away, and Plan C, where we went to the nearest hospital. My midwife said we were going to the nearest hospital. I said OK and then said, "I never even packed a bag." I was so sure it was going to work out at home I guess. They assured me I did not need much, just my toothbrush if I wanted it and not to worry about clothes. I threw some things in a bag very calmly and we went downstairs. I was so calm in fact that my midwife said, "See how calm you are now? When you get to the hospital, you cannot act that calm." I think my contractions literally stopped when I found out I was going to the hospital. I was down on the first floor at this point waiting for everyone else to gather all their belongings and I said, "I know I'm having a C-section." My midwife reassured me that was not necessarily the case, that out of her clients that have to transfer, 50% are still able to deliver vaginally. (She has a 10% transfer rate.) My husband and my mom and I got in my husband's car, the doula left (after explaining to me the midwives would act as my doulas at the hospital), and the midwives went in another car. In the car I lost it. I started getting hysterical saying I knew something was wrong with my baby and I'd never forgive myself. My mom and husband quickly assured me he (we still didn't know it was a he) would be just fine. My husband even ran a red light which made my mom and me scream!

We got to the hospital and checked in. I followed my midwives down the hallway to triage. Someone told us I could only take one person with me so my husband said, "She's my wife, I'm going." We left my mom and the midwives behind. I was so focused on the baby I never even turned to look at them. The woman who took us back showed us to a curtained-off area and said for me to get undressed and put on a gown. I asked her if I could use a bathroom first and went in there. Then I went back to my little "room." I got undressed and lay down the bed. A nurse came in and put a monitor on my stomach for the baby, inserted an IV in my right hand, and put a blood pressure cuff on. Different doctors came in and asked me the same questions. The contractions were unbearable at this point because they forced me to lie down because my BP was so high. At first they continued to talk about a vaginal delivery and I thought at this point I'd have to get an epidural because I didn't know how else I could deal with the contractions. At least at home I could move and change positions. Someone did ask me if I wanted an epidural and said they assumed I did not (I guess knowing how I felt about natural delivery since I had been trying to have a home birth). I asked about the risks and asked if I had time to think about it and they said yes.

I never got to see my mom or the midwives after that point until after my baby was born. I can't remember why. I know they kept asking for updates. I think we were told they could not come back. I (always the people pleaser) told my husband to please go out and tell them they could leave. I hated feeling like they were just sitting out there waiting but in hindsight I wish I would have asked them to stay a bit longer or fight to have them brought back but I don't think there was much time and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have let them no matter how much I pleaded.

I was transported to another room (later was told by my midwives it was likely L&D) where I experienced the worst pain ever when they tried to insert a monitor on the baby's head via my vagina. I had about three female doctors and multiple female nurses around me. I don't know why I noticed it but it did seem funny how it was all females. I screamed, "Is that a needle?" I really don't know what it was but it felt like needles repeatedly stabbed into my vagina and it nearly brought me to tears. The baby wasn't responding like they wanted and my BP had gotten even higher. (I think my husband said it was up to 176/100 at that point.) So they recommended C-section and I readily agreed. I was worried about the baby but I also was getting to the point of exhaustion where I couldn't remember what I wanted anymore; this was all new to my husband and we had no support people there to center me. I just remember thinking, "It will soon be over." One nurse had the fun task of shaving my nether regions. It's weird how I remember this but she said, "You did a good job." It was funny because I had attempted to do that a few days before but could not see what I was doing so I had no idea if I had succeeded! Apparently she thought I had.

My husband was told to change into scrubs and that they'd bring him back later. They wheeled me into an OR (I think it was OR #1) and the room was cold. They got me on to the table and the anesthesiologist told me he'd give me the spinal between contractions. I remember going numb shortly after. They put something over my arms (it looked like plastic tubing) that pumped heat over my arms. So I was nice and warm even though the room was so cold. I kept telling someone that I couldn't see to remind my husband to get the camera. That was all I could think about. I kept staring at the clock on the wall too, so sad that I had missed having my son on the 18th. (It was well after midnight at this point.) I love the number 18 as our wedding day was 10/18 and I thought it would be cool if our son had the birthdate of 11/18.

Eventually my husband came in and sat on a chair marked "Dad's chair." I said, "Do you have the camera?" and he assured me he did.

My sense of time is way off here. I have no idea how long I was in triage, how long I was in L&D, and how long I was in the OR. I remember certain things very clearly but the timing is not one of them. I only was able to insert times on most of these happenings because my doula and midwife kept notes. Once I got to the hospital I have no idea!

I did not even realize the surgery had started. I heard the doctor say, "Congrats, Dad, you have a son!" My husband was very shocked because he thought it was a girl. He went and took some pictures and cut the cord and brought me a picture of my screaming baby boy on the scale. He said he looked like my 3-year-old-nephew and I had to agree. His hair looked so blond in that picture but after he was washed up we saw it's much darker. They brought him over to me for a glance and then someone (a nurse I imagine?) brought him right up to my face for a kiss. I kissed him and it felt so surreal. I couldn't believe he was MINE.

So my little boy was born via Cesarean section at 2:17 a.m. on 11/19, weighing in at 9 lbs., 2 oz., and measuring 21 in. He is gorgeous, has dark hair and big bright eyes. They look blue for now but I imagine they could change. He has my husband's nose and is a good mix of both of us. (His birthdate, height, and weight are all 1s, 2s, and 9s. Maybe he wanted to wait until the 19th to be born.)

Even after delivery my BP did not go down for awhile. I had to be on "mag" for 24 hours which was horrendous but I got through it. They started that when I was in recovery around 5:00 a.m. and said I had to be on that for 24 hours and I was not allowed to get up at all so I had a Foley catheter inserted. They said the "mag" was to keep me from having a seizure. Then I developed an infection (no one ever told me what it was exactly but I wonder if it had to do with the "hot" vagina and the meconium/amniotic fluid issues) so I was on antibiotics til Tuesday morning. My little guy was on antibiotics until sometime on Monday. I was so glad when his IV could be removed. Every time he rooted he would start sucking on it! We were released Tuesday afternoon.

It took us most of the day to name him. We had a name chosen for a boy and a girl since before we were even married. Once I got pregnant though it was hard to stay settled on a name and I came up with another boy name which my husband also liked. So when it was a boy we did not know what to name him! We did decide sometime before the day was out though and went with our original choice. Our son's middle name is my husband's first name.

Going back to the birth, I did not really get to see and hold the baby until a few hours later, I'd say sometime after 6:00 or 7:00 a.m. I was upset to hear the nursery staff had told my husband that the baby had low blood sugar and had him feed him a bottle of formula (while I was still in recovery). I wound up allowing him to have formula a few more times though over the next few nights when I was unable to take care of him. I gave him formula once the first night we were home but he hasn't had any more since. I've been strictly breastfeeding since then.

While at the hospital I had several episodes of "sweats" where I'd soak through the sheets. They said it was from the "mag" as well as hormones. Thank God it's only happened once since we got home. I had to have an ultrasound on my legs one day to make sure I did not have blood clots; I was taken to that by stretcher. I think that was Sunday afternoon at 3:00. And then the next day I had to have a chest X-ray at 11:00 and I was taken to that by wheelchair. I took my cell phone to my ultrasound but did not take it to the X-ray because the ultrasound was so quick and I was back in no time. What a mistake not to take it to the X-ray. I was taken right in to the X-ray and then parked in the hallway. I was still so tired from the "mag" that hadn't all the way left my body yet as well as the Percocet that I fell asleep in the hallway by myself. I was shocked when I was finally rolled back into my room at 12:25 nearly an hour and a half later. My husband is saying, "We have a problem, the nurse is upset you haven't fed the baby so they made me give him formula but he keeps pushing it away." I burst into tears because of course I wanted to feed my baby but someone had left me in a hallway on a different floor in a different building of the hospital! I took the baby and nursed him immediately but then someone was coming in and trying to put my antibiotics on. I was on three different antibiotics while I was there and some lasted 30 minutes and one was an hour. All I wanted to do was get a shower and no one would let me because of the strict antibiotic schedule. I fed the baby and the nurse said he was rooting and was still hungry so I fed him on the other side. I was a little peeved at her for being upset I wasn't there to feed him but for not doing anything to find me! And then a lactation consultant came in and told me he was still hungry even after that and was trying to give me all these tips. Someone else was trying to draw blood. I was just done! I gave the poor girl trying to get my blood and my nurse both an attitude and told them I needed to get a shower as I had guests coming and I could not give them any blood or take any antibiotics right then. Yeah, right. I had no say in the matter! I was basically told I was sick and I had to get better and I was not having a shower. It was kind of a shock to me. I did not GET that I was sick, honestly. I just thought everyone felt like crap after having a baby. My husband told me later that he was so freaked by my blood pressure. He has asked them if they noticed it and they said, "Yeah, we're trying to get it down before she has a seizure." Scary!

I felt kind of tricked by my one nurse. She had acted like I could get up after I got off the mag which should have been 5:00 a.m. on Sunday. But I did not get taken off for hours after that. And then she never came back to help me get up. When she finally did I was in the middle of another room switch. (I was in three different rooms while I was there.) I think some nurses did finally come and help me wash myself off and wash my hair. I couldn't actually shower yet.

When I got a shower on Monday afternoon I noticed my milk had come in. Wow! My boobs felt huge and heavy and warm. I had to show my husband. I was so pleased because I had heard with PCOS many women don't get milk or do but don't have enough.

We did have guests every day we were there except the last day. My parents, youngest sister, oldest brother and his wife came the first day. The next day a friend visited, then my mother-in-law, and then another friend. The next day my brother-in-law came, then one of the midwives, then my friend from the previous evening came back, and my parents and youngest sister returned as well.

I love my little guy so much. I cried on the way home. I couldn't believe we were going home and that he was mine! And my husband is a great dad and has been such a huge help to me! Nursing is going pretty well considering he was fed two formula bottles before I ever even got to hold him. He seems to eat a lot but I don't question it. Every time I see him start rooting I feed him. My milk came in on Monday afternoon when he was about 2.5 days old. I feel very full all the time, never seem to experience "letdown." But he has the right amount of pee and poop diapers so I know he's getting enough. He has his days and nights mixed up and does not like his Arm's Reach cosleeper bassinet at all. Every time I think he's settled at night (after nursing on both sides) and I set him in there he wakes up crying in mere minutes. My mom suggested swaddling him tonight and said maybe it's that and not the bassinet itself so we'll see. We just have a few things to learn. I just LOVE being his mommy though. I cry often when I look at him, when I think of how a year ago I was so depressed while trying to conceive & battling infertility, then how I finally got pregnant, and then how I could have lost him (although my husband keeps telling me I was in more danger than our baby ever was). He is just the most precious gift I've ever received and I'm getting teary just typing this!

41 weeks and counting...

I am 41 weeks pregnant today. Unbelievable. I know...I'm certainly not the first woman to be 41 weeks pregnant, nor will I be the last. Nor is it some horrible punishment. I'm going to attempt to describe how I'm feeling. Who knows if it will make sense.

First I am feeling exhausted and uncomfortable. I loved being pregnant but it's taking its toll on me now. My vaginal area ACHES. I have to pee every time I stand up. If I'm walking I have the urge to pee about every 20 minutes. My heartburn was horrible (but shh, I started taking my Prilosec again). And the backache and crampiness and nausea I've been experiencing lately frankly stink!

Second I feel as if I should have some control over this, as if there is something I'm supposed to be DOING to get baby out, and that I'm responsible for everyone's disappointment. I'm getting Facebook messages and wall posts, texts, emails, and phone calls from everyone under the sun asking if I've had the baby yet. On Thursday (one day after my due date) my disability insurance claims adjuster called me to see if I'd had the baby yet. On Friday my HR rep called me. I just want to scream, "Really, people?" The disability adjuster only told me about 5 times before I went out on leave that all he needed to know was the date the baby was born so to let him know once the baby was born. Well, if you didn't hear from me, maybe it was because the baby was not born yet! And then of course he had to add in there that I should call him after the baby is born. Duh! And then today my family doctor called me. It's a due date, not a deadline!!

I am so emotional right now that I spend a lot of time crying. I'm not sleeping all that well. I stay up late and then I wake up when my husband goes to work and can't fall back to sleep. I wind up napping during the day (most days).

Yesterday I went to my acupuncturist for acupressure. She gave me instructions to bring home so my husband could repeat it on me. He not really good sport about it but he did it complaining the whole time. I need to ask him to repeat it on me but I know he'll whine again.

Today was kind of a whirlwind day. I was supposed to have my midwife appointment tomorrow but I texted her to confirm and she said that was correct but she did have an opening today at noon if I'd rather so I took it. Via email yesterday she had offered to check my cervix so I was rather eager for that. She not took my blood pressure when I got there and it was 140/95. All she said was, "It's up," and I started crying. She gave me a tissue and I cried for a bit and apologized and got all gooey and gross. She said, "I think it's time to get this baby out." She offered again to check my cervix and I took her up on it. She said I was about 1 cm dilated and about 60% effaced. It was somewhat uncomfortable for me but I wouldn't say it really hurt. I have no idea if 60% effaced is really good or not, or how long it takes to get to 100%! This is why I was fine with not being checked because it doesn't tell you a whole lot but I just had to know today! My midwife offered me some homeopathy. She stuck it under my tongue and told me to let it dissolve there. She said if nothing happened from that to take a tincture which she also gave me four hours later. I did take that (black cohosh and blue cohosh) and then fell asleep. I read online that you should keep moving after taking it. Great. I did not know that. So that doesn't seem to be doing much either. I'm feeling contractions but nothing intense or steady. I also took a walk before I took the cohosh tincture (hours before) and nothing really came of that.

A friend dropped by with a meal for our freezer. She is going to be leaving on an international trip for three weeks on Friday and was sweet enough to drop off a meal before she goes. She went overdue with all three of her babies (10, 6, and 11 days respectively) so she totally gets where I'm coming from. She helped me feel a bit better after we chatted a bit. She kept reminding me I have no control over this, it's not my responsibility to get baby out by a certain time, etc.

Overdue and impatient

I hit my due date on Wednesday. And I went right past the exciting 11/11/11 birthday. And now I'm two days past that. I have to say I'm getting a little discouraged.

My midwife appointment went fine on Wednesday. I took my mom, the first time I've ever taken anyone to any of my midwife prenatals. Heartbeat was 150. BP was deemed OK. I took my mom to JC Penney afterwards and she helped me pick out a curtain rod and blinds. My hubby hang the blinds in the baby's room this weekend.

I honestly spend a good portion of my days crying. I can't fully explain why. I have loved being pregnant. I had a pretty good pregnancy. I am pretty uncomfortable now but I guess I have to say that is normal. I think I just know my time is pretty much up and I want to meet the baby, but then I keep getting "one more day." I no longer want "one more day." I want to meet this baby! I lash out at my husband because I feel it's his fault I don't know if it's a boy or girl and that feels so unfair to me. All my friends that are pregnant are finding out what gender their babies are and I hate that I know their babies' genders before I know my own! One friend of mine will be finding out tomorrow and I honestly don't want to hear it!

I let myself really get caught up in the hype of the full moon on the 10th followed by the "fun" birthday of 11/11. I took walks on the 10th, I ate pineapple, I did all these things I had heard of to bring on labor. Ha ha! Nothing worked! By Friday I realized it wasn't happening and had a better day and then Saturday I had all these symptoms that made me think today (Sunday) would be the day we'd meet our baby - intense backache, menstrual-like cramps, a weird tingling down below. I told my husband we'd better get some rest in case I woke up in real labor during the night. Yeah, right again. I got a great night's sleep and all those symptoms just disappeared. Most of them came back this past evening but are gone again. I seriously have at least one crying fit per day though. I hate being this out of control of my own body! Yet I know I don't believe in "scheduling" inductions or C-sections just because; I know my body and my baby know when it's best for baby to be born.

I hope my next post is the one saying baby has been born, but we will see!

November Update

I'm still pregnant! I'm 39 weeks and 4 days today. Today would have been my due date if calculated by first day of LMP.

In my last post I talked about how I missed the coupon for BRU for the travel system. But I wound up getting one in the mail last Friday and that night we went and got it. Now I just have to get my husband to install the car seat bases in our cars! The travel system comes with one and we got a second one at our shower so that we have one in each car, which will make life easier as we use our cars equally.

I had my midwife appointment on Wednesday and measured 40 weeks. The baby's heartbeat was good and my blood pressure was fine. I go back again this Wednesday for my next appointment (on my due date). I am also still going to the chiropractor twice a week. I seriously don't know how I'd be fitting all this stuff in if I were working full time! I guess it's good I'm not working.

The baby's room is finally coming together! My brother and sister-in-law came over on Wednesday night and the room is almost fully painted and then today I woke up and went in there and I couldn't believe how much more empty it was. My husband and I have donated a lot of stuff and chucked a lot of stuff. I've taken at least three trips to our local thrift store with donations and he had taken one trip. We've gotten rid of books and clothes and decorations and all sorts of stuff. The room is finally starting to look empty! If we get it really close to empty and get the painting done I suppose I'll even order the furniture! I still have to get blinds and curtain rods for in there; I have the curtains but no rods. I want to wait til the painting is done anyway.

I also still want to get a diaper bag and a Moby wrap. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for!

I've been having a lot of cramps and only a few contractions. I lost part of my mucus plug last Sunday night and then a bit more on Wednesday. But nothing else is happening. It's hard to explain but part of me is happy about this and part of me is growing increasingly impatient! I wouldn't mind the extra few days to get the last few things done - the things I need to buy, the things I need to straighten up, the things I need to clean. I keep putting it off as if I'll have all this time in "early labor" to do it all. Who knows what I'll even feel like doing at that time?

Home visit

Today was our midwives' home visit. They arrived at 9:30ish and my hubby stayed home from work for the morning to be here.

First thing she did was check the baby's position. I was very relieved to hear the baby is head down. She showed my husband how to check too and he felt the head. He had tried feeling yesterday and thought he felt the head low then so it was reassuring to know it was easy for him to feel and we got the confirmation we needed!

Next thing is that I'm measuring at 40.5 centimeters now which equals 40.5 weeks. So now I'm 3.5 weeks ahead.

We showed the midwives around the house and they seemed to think we were in good shape. They kept stressing though how they want everything in one place. I just don't want to put my little baby's clothes in with all the other stuff. They're all nice and neat and clean. I have all the "other stuff" in a tote and the baby stuff is either folded and on top of my dresser or on hangers hanging on the closet door. It's close enough to the tote that I don't see it being a problem. The "other stuff" is things like trash bags, ziploc bags, olive oil, hydrogen peroxide, rubbing alcohol, the hose, etc.

I'm so burned up. We get so much mail that it often piles up before I really get a chance to look at it. I always pull out the obvious bills and whatnot but the "junk mail" piles up. I just found a Babies R Us coupon booklet yesterday. I think I could have gotten a $30 or $50 gift card when I bought my travel system with this coupon they had. But it expired on the 13th and I just saw it yesterday, the 20th. Now I'm really hoping another one comes soon. I really wanted to get the travel system this weekend. We have a $200 gift card to put towards it but I also do not want to pay full price!

We do need to get the car seat though (and that's part of the travel system) because I have to take the baby to the doctor when he/she is 2 days old just to get checked out.

Well, I'm off to meet a friend for lunch soon. I'm such a social butterfly these days!

Nothing much new

It seems I have more time to update my blog now that I'm not working. Today I woke up around 4:00 a.m. totally drenched in sweat to the point I needed to change pillows. I fell back asleep after that and had a pretty good night actually. The cramps/contractions started up again when I woke at 4:00 but when I woke up again for the day at 7:30 or so they were gone. They did not start up again until after I went to the chiropractor and was driving home. My appointment was at 3:00 and the contractions started around 3:45. They didn't last nearly as long as yesterday's though.

I'm seriously not ready for this baby yet. I mean, I'm ready to meet, love, hug,and hold the baby but when I look around this house I just want to groan. I'm still not done washing up all the little clothes and I have to make sure I have all my birth supplies organized and my bedroom still has some tidying to be done. Yet here I sit. I just have no energy! I want to sit all day and even getting up to go to the bathroom makes me annoyed. I have issues!

I came home from the chiropractor and took a nice nap. I think it might be my first nap since my leave started which is pretty sad! I met friends for dinner at 6:00 and knew I'd be too drowsy if I didn't sleep before.

So there is not much new to report but I thought I would update while I was thinking of it!

A Braxton Hicks Anniversary

Today is my husband's and my anniversary! I was hoping that if baby was going to be early today would be the day. Otherwise, I'm quite fine with baby waiting til November to make his/her appearance!

I had a massage at 12:30. It was awesome. My massage therapist though felt my "gorgeous belly" (her words) and what I refer to as the baby's butt she thought was a head! I really hope she doesn't know what she's talking about because I've been to the chiropractor for the Webster technique three times already and am going again tomorrow and the next day. I see my midwife on Friday so I'm hoping to get some positive confirmation then that baby is now in the correct position! Other than head down I don't know much more than that.

After my massage I went to the food store. I need flour and apples to make my hubby a cake. I had all the other ingredients in but those. I stopped at the bank and for a quick bite to eat at fast-food place (shhh, don't tell) and then I got home and started trying to make the cake and I felt so awful. These horrible menstrual-like cramps came over me and then I started feeling nauseous. I was in the middle of cutting apples and just left them and came and sat in the living room. I know last time I felt this way my midwife said they were Braxton Hicks. I thought those were supposed to be painless! These are not exactly painful but they definitely hurt some!

My hubby and I went out to dinner and they continued all through dinner and since we got home. So I just feel kind of crappy. I'm really hoping this isn't a precursor to anything and if so that it will just stop! I'm trying to stay hydrated and now I'm going to bed to get some rest.

Labor Prediction Quiz

I just took this quiz for fun. I'm quite fine with my results. While I'm super excited to meet this baby, I'm really not hoping for it to come early. I want to enjoy this early maternity leave and have the baby's room and the rest of the house ready. And that is so not the case!

Here are my results: "I know you were hoping we weren't going to say this, but don't expect this baby to come early. Your baby is nice and comfy tucked away in your womb and has no interest in joining the rest of the world. We predict your baby will be born after its due date. Your baby will most likely be born in the morning. Justmommies predicts that your baby will weigh approximately 7.5 pounds and that your labor will be about 11 hours long."

Here is the quiz if anyone wants to take it: http://www.justmommies.com/quizzes/labor_prediction_quiz.php

Webster Technique and Start of Maternity Leave

So the day after my last blog post, my chiropractor called me back with the name of a fairly local chiropractor who knew and practiced Webster and so I made an appointment there for today. I think it went well but I didn't feel any movement from the baby during that time. I didn't know it would be instantaneous. The baby has been moving a lot since I got home and sat on the couch. That is when my baby is most active - when I sit down and relax. I also bought some pulsatilla on Monday night and took some today. I did not take it correctly. So I'll try again tomorrow. I'm going back to the chiropractor for another adjustment and will take the pulsatilla then, the correct way.

My last day of work was Tuesday. I'm now officially on maternity leave as of yesterday at 36 weeks pregnant. I honestly thought I'd feel guiltier leaving. I think I left things in a good state and left good notes on all my outstanding projects. And while I know I'll hate missing out on what is going on, I really had the feeling of, "Get me the heck out of here." I'm just so tired all the time and walking can be such a challenge. I guess it doesn't help that I don't exactly love my job anyway. So if baby is born on time I'll probably be off for a total of approximately 20 weeks! I can't imagine how many changes will take place in 4.5 months time! The leave I'm on now is FMLA and that starts up to 4 weeks before due date. It ends when baby is born and my next disability starts that day. It will still be FMLA but I'll get paid 6 weeks from that date. I'm paid 100% right now and will be for 6 weeks after baby is born. Then after that I start NJFLA which is completely unpaid and I can take up to 12 weeks of that. I'm planning to only take about 10 weeks though. If my baby is born on time I'll be headed back on Leap Day. Well, that would be officially 16 weeks but I'm figuring for day care purposes it would make sense to go back on a Monday. I'm so lucky to get this time ahead but I really wish I could have more paid time after and I'd have worked closer to my due date. But really, I'm just very grateful for this time!

I went to Walmart yesterday and got almost all the supplies on my list the midwife provided. I needed a waterproof mattress cover and a small fish net and juice and sanitary pads, etc. I figured Walmart would be a good place to hit for all those different categories. Most of the things I couldn't find were things just too specialized for Walmart. I went to the health food store today and got the Arnica 200c and the red raspberry leaf tea I needed. I also got some grapefruit seed extract in liquid form. I'm taking that along with garlic, echinacea, Vitamin C and a few more supplements in preparation for my GBS test next Friday when the midwife comes to do her home visit. I guess these things will help me to be GBS- if I was at some point GBS+. They're all immune boosters I believe.

So here I am 27 days from my due date. It feels so surreal. When I look ahead to Thanksgiving, it's crazy to think I will be a mom then. That's 15 days past my due date and I'm pretty sure if I don't deliver by the day before Thanksgiving I'll be induced. I don't know the hows and wheres of that yet. I don't know if it would be a "natural" induction (i.e. castor oil) or if I'd have to check into a hospital or what.

Back to the birth class for a minute... There were two other couples in there. One is due with a boy on 10/19 and the other was due 10/25 but did not know the gender. My midwife has a FB page and she announces the births on there, just the gender and the weight on the date. She said happy birthday, baby boy on Monday and I was wondering if it was one of my "classmates." The one who I knew was having a boy was due sooner so she was my first guess but she and I are staying in touch and I actually heard from her later that day and she was still very much pregnant. Yesterday, I heard from the other father and here it was his girlfriend who had the baby. I felt so sad for them because they wound up doing a hospital transfer and a C-section but I'm glad everyone is doing well! So now that means 2/3 of our class is having a boy. Am I going to make it 100%? Or will we have the lone girl of the group? Ack, the suspense is killing me! I keep secretly hoping I need another ultrasound and that the tech will slip again. Or that I'll tell her we're being surprised but this time she'll refer to the baby as "it" or revert back and forth between "he" and "she" and then I'll know she really did slip last time. Oy, I need to get a life, huh?

Birth Class, Baby Shower, Blood Pressure, and Breech Babies!

The theme of this post is B words I guess!

We had our last birth class on the 24th. I cried through that one as well as the one before it. I'm so emotional! What got me this time was the teacher (another mom client of my midwife) told us that we should really plan to just stay in bed for seven days and not do much of anything. I don't know why but I just burst into tears. I had flashbacks of my surgery last year when I was home recovering and felt so helpless and lonely. I couldn't even pull my pants up! Now I know this time that the baby will be a big draw into getting people to come in and help. Who doesn't want to snuggle up with a new baby? But that day I couldn't see the reasoning in that and I just cried and cried. I was afraid of feeling abandoned again.

In happier news, I had the most lovely baby shower on Saturday, thrown by my family (mother, sisters, and sister-in-law). They did a great job with everything. We were blessed with such nice presents. Some of the big items were swing/cradle, bouncer seat, two high chairs (I took one back already and we got store credit at Target), a Pack 'n' Play, an extra car seat base. We got lots and lots of diapers, over 200 size 1s, and lots of blankets and clothes. I was surprised we got as many clothes as we did since we didn't find out and announce the gender. http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

I had my 35-week appointment at the midwife today and my blood pressure was up even more. She did say it was fine though (I guess still acceptable). She asked how I'd been feeling and I told her pretty good although there was something uncomfortable feeling in my ribs. I first noticed it the night of my shower. So she asked where I was feeling kicks. I showed her and they can't all possibly be kicks, some must be punches and jabs, and then she listened for the heartbeat and felt around, and measured my uterus which measured 38 weeks (which is 3 weeks ahead and all along I've been measuring 1 week ahead) and she said she thought it was baby's head I was feeling in my ribs and that the baby was breech! She told me to go the chiropractor. I asked her if there was anything else I could try and she told me pulsatilla. I called my chiropractor on the way back to work and he said he did not know the Webster technique but he'd find me someone who did.

Overdue update - 3D ultrasound, big baby, birth classes

As has been my habit of late, I've been neglecting my blog. I really want to write down everything that happens and record everything but I find life gets busy and I don't take the time.

I'll attempt to update as much as I can with what my memory will allow. I've got a big case of "baby brain" these days.

We had the second part of our ultrasound a week later than originally planned. We went Saturday, September 3 (at 30 weeks 3 days gestation). And unfortunately, the baby was in exactly the same position as the time before. It wasn't a terrible position but we still couldn't see the whole face. My mom and youngest sister got to come along this time so it was nice to have someone else there. The technician spent another whole hour with us. We got some cute pictures. My mom asked the technician how big the baby was. And the technician said the baby was 3 pounds, 15 ounces after she did some measurements and said the baby was in the 79th percentile! She said she thought the baby was going to be "at least" 8 pounds. I'm choosing to take this with a grain of salt because I have heard how these ultrasounds can be way off. I guess my mom thought the baby looked like my husband too because suddenly she reverted to calling the baby "he."

This past Wednesday (at 31 weeks 6 days) I had an ultrasound and there I was told my baby was measuring 5 pounds, 1 ounce and was in either the 74th or 76th percentile. The doctor said one and the tech said the other so I'm not sure. They both also asked if I had gestational diabetes and I told them I hadn't received my results yet. I texted my midwife when I left (she had asked me to let her know if baby was head down) and she assured me she had gotten my results and I did NOT have gestational diabetes. My glucose was 95 when it needs to be under 140. I had that test nearly two weeks prior at 30 weeks. Otherwise that ultrasound went well. Baby was head down (as he/she had been at the two 3D ones so yay!) but we think the tech slipped and told us the gender. I won't say much more at this point on that front; I'm really trying to put it out of my head. We wanted to be surprised but now that I have a clue I just really want to know! I have about 7.5 weeks to find out!

My work had a bridal shower for me on Wednesday afternoon. I was totally blown away. We got multiple gifts from six people (toys, clothes, bibs, diaper stuff, powders and lotions, etc.) as well as a $200 gift card. I was so surprised and so touched!

My blood pressure was back up again on Wednesday morning (32 weeks). It had gone down some at my 30-week appointment after having been up at 26-week appointment. I'm really freaked out by this. If it gets up to 140/95 I will lose my home birth. :(

My husband and I started our home birth prep class last week and it continued today and will continue next Saturday. It's from 1:00-4:00 each week. Last week was nice. We met the two other couples (one due three weeks ahead and one due two weeks ahead) and talked about things like finding time to relax during pregnancy and nutrition during pregnancy. This week was somehow more intense and emotional, I guess since we were talking about labor and birth. I cried for much of the class, not big heaving sobs, but just like my eyes wouldn't stop leaking! I'm getting freaked about the birthing process the closer it gets. I'm also nervous about being a bad mom or about motherhood not being everything I hoped it would be or that I will have a bad case of gender disappointment. I also have SO MUCH anxiety about being exposed during the birth. I tried to talk to both my midwife and doula about it but I didn't feel much better. I did put a post on a message board about it and the women on there were great. They didn't feed me the line, "Oh, during labor, you really won't care." I'm so sick of people saying that to me. Even if that is the case right now I cannot comprehend that I won't care people are seeing my private parts and it's doing nothing to ease my anxiety, you know?

One of the things we covered today is the #1 reason for transfers to the hospital are that the mother is exhausted. The teacher stressed that first labors can last 24, 48, even 72 hours and that in early labor we should just keep going about our day. If it's night time we should try to sleep. If it's day time we should go about our day as we would have. She stressed that and said she will be quizzing us on that next time.

Our house is almost done being painted. We just have the baby's room left and some odds and ends. We finished up our bedroom (except some touching up on the ceiling) this past Wednesday. I can't believe we're almost there.

I found a great photographer for our newborn pictures (we will schedule for within first two weeks of baby's life) and maternity pictures (going October 2, day after my baby shower with family & friends on October 1). I'm so excited about the newborn pictures, not so much the maternity. I have had mixed feelings the whole time as to whether or not I want the pictures. I figure though if I don't get them there is no going back. If I get them and hate them I never have to look at them or show them to anyone. Our baby may like seeing what I looked like though with him/her in my belly. I do get my husband to take a picture of me every two weeks when I turn an even number. It's often a few days behind. He just took my 32-week one today at 32 weeks 3 days.

Monday I'll be going to my second LLL meeting. I'm going to take one of the girls from my birthing class as well. She and her husband live in the next town over and are so excited about how close we live!

Well, it's after 8:00 and I'm starving and haven't had dinner yet so I'm signing off now!

Third trimester and 3D ultrasound!

Seriously, where did the time go? As of last Wednesday (or perhaps the Wednesday before, depending upon whom you ask) I am in my third trimester! I've seen it called third trimester at 27 or 28 weeks so I'm not quite sure but I'm now 28w5d so definitely in the third trimester.

I'm still doing pretty well. I feel pressure/pain down below (I think I have varicose veins) and I can't stand or walk for long periods. My weight gain is only about 2 pounds so you think it wouldn't make much of a difference but the baby itself is over 2 pounds already (going by the averages that is). In the last few weeks my PVCs (premature ventrical contractions) have started back up. These are something I had years ago well prior to pregnancy and at the time I got them before I had an EKG and then wore an event monitor for two weeks to record the PVCs. At the time it was determined everything was fine and my family doctor said I could choose to do nothing or choose to go on a medication that was not safe for trying to conceive but would help in the meanwhile. Since they bothered me so much (mentally) I decided to go on the medication, atenolol. I had to go off it though once we started TTC. I never had the PVCs again. However, they're back now and they are causing me a lot of anxiety. I sometimes start crying because they bother me so much. They bring a tightness to my chest as well. I went to my family doctor last week and really there is not much to be done while I'm pregnant. I just keep reminding myself I was thoroughly checked out for this already and everything was fine and they're harmless but it's hard to remember that!

I also have managed to hurt both of my wrists. I hurt the left one in June at work so I've been seeing a workers' comp doctor for that. And now the right one started hurting during the night once. I told my family doctor about that one too last week and she said it feels swollen to her but again there is not much we can do while I'm pregnant. I feel something clicking around in there. Both of them hurt. I'm supposed to brace them and ice them and I'm not the best at remembering.

I'm also tired all the time, par for the course.

We had our 3D ultrasound on Wednesday, the day I was officially 28 weeks which is when I was told was best. At first the tech couldn't see the baby very well so she had to "wake it up" by shaking me and shaking me. Finally she could see part of the baby's face. It was uncanny how much the baby looks like my husband! Even he sees it. He seems sad. He wanted the baby to look like me, he said! So they got some cute pictures but the tech said we could come back this Saturday and bring a USB drive to save some more pictures on. They hope that the baby will be in a better position. The good news is he/she was no longer breech. The little butt is up in the air and the head is down. I'm not sure it'll stay like that for the next 11 weeks or so but I sure hope so. I'm petrified of a breech.

Back when I was first sharing my news there were two friends I wasn't sure how to tell. One had gone through a miscarriage in November with her first pregnancy and one had been trying to conceive since her wedding in 2008. She has PCOS like I do. They both were very happy for me though and took it well. And another friend I told asked me, "How long have you been trying?" I told her, "A long time." And she told me they'd been trying since July (and this was back in April or May). I was kind of concerned it was taking them so long but knew the rule was to try for a year for most people before getting help. She and her husband are still in their late 20s. I told all three though and all were very happy for me. The one with PCOS actually asked for my RE's name so I gave her Dr. Cool's name. She was not very happy with what he told her at first. He told her he'd recommend one more try of injectables plus IUI. She'd already done it four times with another doctor. He felt the doctor's timing was a little off which is why he was willing to give it one more try but I guess on the other hand he felt you shouldn't keep try what wasn't working. So then they'd move on to IVF if it didn't work. So I didn't hear much from her after that. Her work travel schedule was busy and she was waiting for her period and a month where she wasn't traveling much to do the "one last cycle." In the meanwhile my friend who'd been trying for almost a year told me about four weeks ago that she was 13 weeks along and due the end of January, about 12 weeks behind me. Then my friend who went to my RE did her treatment cycle and found out 11 days ago that she is due in mid-April, about 23 weeks behind me. And then yesterday I texted my other friend who miscarried last year just to ask what was new and told her I'd missed chatting with her. I felt like maybe she'd pulled away some since I got pregnant but wasn't sure if it was all in my head. I really was hearing from her less and less but I wasn't sure of the reason. She wrote back that she was having an ultrasound on Tuesday. I didn't want to get too excited because I know you can have ultrasounds for things other than pregnancy and I texted back, "Ultrasound?" She wrote back, "For my pregnancy." I almost fell off my chair! So she is due in late March, about 20 weeks behind me. Her husband really wanted her to wait until after the ultrasound to tell me to make sure this one is viable. Oh, how I pray it is! But she said even if (God forbid) she has another miscarriage she'd tell me anyway. I'm praying this one is a sticky baby!

So how awesome is that? I was feeling kind of like I was moving into this unchartered territory and having no friends entering motherhood with me. My best friend did have her little guy in March but unfortunately she is 3 hours away. And my husband's friend's wife had their first in June and they are looking forward to doing lots with us and with our kids. A lot of my friends are already done having babies and I think my two sisters are. I felt like I was lagging around, and that my other friends who hadn't had kids yet were still far from it. Now I'm going to have so many mommy friends. It's so exciting! I also went to a couple of breastfeeding events - a Nursing Moms Advisory Council information session and a La Leche League meeting. I'm hoping to meet some more moms there. We will also be attending our homebirth prep class the second, third, and fourth Saturdays in September. From the Facebook invitation it only looks like one other couple is going but I'm hoping there are more!

27 weeks...almost to third trimester!

Wow, it's amazing! Either this week or next (depending upon whom you ask) I'll be in my third trimester. It's really going by quickly and it's hard for me to realize I'm not going to be pregnant forever. And I don't say "pregnant forever" in a negative way. In some ways I wouldn't mind being pregnant forever. Sure, it's come with some aches and pains but overall, I really love it! I am growing a life inside me! I get to be witness to this gorgeous miracle! I think it's even more precious to me because I wasn't sure it would ever happen! Of course, I can't wait to see and meet that cute little baby but in a way I'm going to be sad to share him/her with the rest of the world and have him/her come out of me where I won't be able to always protect him/her!

My baby shower is scheduled for October 1. I'll be 34.5 weeks which makes me a little nervous that I won't have tons of time left to get everything else I still need. All the Saturdays in September were already booked and August is just crazy with everyone's vacations (not mine though...boo-hoo!).

Next week is our 3D ultrasound! I'm so excited for that. I'll be 28 weeks exactly. I was told 28 weeks was a great time to go. I hope the baby cooperates. He/she usually is more active at night so it's good we have a 7:00 p.m. appointment.

I received some great news last week! My maternity leave starts four weeks prior to my due date...so October 12th I'm out of there! I will get paid 100% for that time up until the birth (whether I go early, late, or right on time), and then I'll get paid 100% for the first six weeks following the birth. After that I'm eligible to take another 12 weeks "bonding time" with the baby unpaid but I'll probably just take six of those. Trust me, I'm so tempted to take the whole thing but going that long without a paycheck would be quite a hardship. If the baby is born on time that has me coming back to work very early February. Taking that whole 12 weeks is even more tempting when I think I could be coming back in mid-March instead! I have to work though since I am the one who has benefits such as medical. Twelve weeks is nothing to sneeze at either. I've heard of people who get much much less so I'm grateful for everything I am getting!

I am feeling pretty well lately. The gagging/throwing up episodes seem to have subsided. That hasn't happened for a few weeks. I do feel tons of pain/pressure when I stand up after sitting for awhile. That is not pleasant. I feel like I'm walking like an 80-year-old lady! I am also very tired and not dealing with the heat very well but those are all par for the course. Overall I'd say it's been a pretty easy pregnancy.

I swear people still can't really tell I'm pregnant. I can definitely tell and people who know me can tell but I've yet to have one stranger try to touch me or ask me when I'm due (for which I'm incredibly grateful!).

July update!

I haven't written in quite awhile so there is a good amount to get caught up on!

First I'm fully in maternity clothes now. I still hate all my maternity pants except the Old Navy ones and one pair from Motherhood (the ones I mentioned in my last post). I hate the Motherhood jeans with the full belly panel. They do not stay up. I'm finally showing but maybe I don't have enough of a belly to hold it up? I'm not sure but they are driving me nuts!

We had our second anatomy scan two weeks after the first. We had a different tech than the last time and she was really nice. I brought along an envelope (the security kind) with a piece of paper in it and asked her to please put the gender in an envelope. She said what she liked to do was take a picture of the baby and put that in the envelope so that is what she did. It will be cool to look at it later. The doctor at the ultrasound center came in and said everything looked great and she asked us to come back at 32 weeks (early September). I asked if at that time we could get a 3D and she said yes, but it was better to come earlier. Then the ultrasound technician is handing me her business card for a 3D place (different than where were) and said it was her business but the doctor said she could hand her cards out. All they do is 3D/4D ultrasounds and they also have evening and weekend hours (whereas the ultrasound center has very limited hours). So I decided to make an appointment with her. I think the deal is for $165. I can't quite remember what we get with it and for some reason I cannot get on to their web site from work or home! I can on my BlackBerry but it's so much harder to see on there. I think I might invite my parents to come along for the 3D ultrasound which is the day I'm 28 weeks. I'm very excited for that! So far we have not peeked in the envelope (which is sealed). I'm pretty sure we will be waiting for the birth. I think it will be neat to be surprised.

Last weekend we made a couple of baby purchases. I got a used Arm's Reach Mini Cosleeper in the natural color. It came with three sheets and the leg extension set. The cosleeper itself is $150 new so I felt it was a good deal. The couple had two boys but said the second one only slept in it once since he didn't like it. I hope our baby likes it! Uh-oh! I also bought a used breast pump, the Medela Pump in Style Advanced. I know not everyone feels that is safe but I'm going to buy all new replacement parts. We paid $30 for that. And it does work. I hooked it all up and got it going. Of course I couldn't test it yet for real but I put it on my arm and it definitely has suction.

One more "used" purchase I plan to make is our nursery set. I found it on Craigslist. I've had to eat a lot of words. I said I wanted a green nursery and how I did not like yellow. Well, this set is green and yellow and I really like it. It's Wendy Bellissimo Honey Bee, which is now discontinued but there are pieces on Craigslist and eBay. I'm getting most of the pieces from a couple for $75. My husband laughed when I showed him and said, "I thought you hated bees!" And I don't like them but this set makes them look cute! And I love how gender neutral it is. I want to paint the room half yellow (maybe the top) and half green (maybe the bottom) with a white strip dividing it. The room is currently painted in Behr's Mystical Sea so maybe we'll only have to paint the one half, depending on how well the greens match.

I've been somewhat sad and constantly lamenting about how I couldn't feel the baby yet. Well, this past Thursday I finally thought I felt something. Then it happened again Friday night. And then yesterday (Saturday) morning. And then again last night. Just now I felt something for the first time today as I was writing this. So baby is definitely letting me know he/she is there! It is a cool feeling, very subtle right now.

My husband is getting more and more excited. He talks to my belly all the time (he's been doing that since the beginning) but lately he keeps saying, "Get here already! I want to meet you." I on the other hand am perfectly content with keeping baby with me. I feel so special that I get to carry this baby and have him/her to myself 24/7. I get a little sad to think he/she will be here soon and I'll have to share the baby with others. (I am excited to have my husband meet the baby but not so much everyone else at this point.) Is that selfish? Of course, I'm very excited to see my baby's sweet little face and hold him/her and nurse him/her and watch the baby grow but there is a part of me that wants things to stay just how they are now. I know that's not possible of course and in less than 17 weeks my due date will have come and gone and I'll either have had the baby or will be getting quite close to having it.

We have so much to do still to get ready for this little one. My midwife gave me a long list of things we need to secure by 37 weeks (right around our third anniversary!). I keep thinking we should start buying things now but then I put it off. We registered at Amazon.com but I'm not sure I'm serious about all those things. I need to rethink some of them. And I want to register in at least one traditional store - either Babies R Us and/or Target. I have a coupon to get a $10 gift card at BRU if I register there. I will probably do both and spread out the items.

I am still trying to decide on diapers too. I think I'd like to do cloth but my final decision will probably depend on my day care situation. And I'm getting some flak too. My mom said, "Oh, honey, you don't want to do that." And my one friend just raised her eyebrows. My husband was picturing the cloth diapers of yore - the rectangle with the pins and the rubber pants. I showed him all the newer designs out there and I think he's on board with it.

Speaking of day care that's another thing I'm trying to sort out. My mom is almost sure she will watch our baby on Wednesdays. That leaves us four days to find child care. I visited one day a block from my work. It was very nice...but very expensive. What day care would cost us in a month exceeds our monthly rent! And there is no break for four days versus five. There is a $60/week decrease for three days per week but it's not that much of a savings and we'd still need to find someone to watch the baby that fifth day. My husband flat out said no due to the cost. I found another day care near our house that is slightly cheaper. They offer 3-, 4-, and 5-day rates. We haven't toured there yet but I'd like to. I did want the baby closer to my work than to my house but there is really only that one near my work that I know of. I did see one other one but it is for ages 18 months and up. So I must really keep searching. I think this has become "my" job. My husband hasn't had any suggestions and hasn't looked for anything. I hope this isn't how everything goes as far as our baby's care goes!

In other news his best friend's wife had her baby almost three weeks ago. We have been so busy we haven't had a chance to get over to see her yet. So we are going to go visit next weekend. We got her birth announcement the other day. She looks adorable.

Another friend of mine I met in a group I belong to is due in early August with a boy. She asked me to come visit her when she had her little guy. So I'll be getting some baby fixes before mine gets here. :)

I think I thoroughly caught up with everything!

Maternity clothes, anatomy scan and weight loss

My current dilemma...maternity pants! I've been wearing maternity shirts for the past couple weeks on and off - hopping back and forth on both sides. I don't quite need them yet but they are more comfortable. And I LOVE maternity shirts. I have a long torso so any shirt that gives me more length is A-OK in my book! :) Maternity pants though...sigh. My mom got me two pairs of ultra-comfy Old Navy stretch maternity pants at the thrift store. They were just a couple dollars each and so worth every penny and more! I started wearing them a few weeks ago when it felt my regular pants (mostly jeans) were making my heartburn worse because they were digging in some (even when I'm not pregnant that can be an issue). I can't wear those pants to work though because they're just too casual. They look like sweat pants honestly. But I wear them every chance I get. Friday was my first day wearing maternity pants other than the stretch ones. These were from Motherhood and they were like a khaki-colored capris (that you can roll down to full-length or roll up which is how I had them). They were my first ones with the belly panel and they were actually super comfy. I decided to wear the jeans yesterday for the first time - same brand, same store, same size, same type of belly panel. OMG. All day long I was tugging them up. I swear they are just going to slide right down and take my drawers with them! I had on a maternity shirt that was just not quite long enough to cover the droopiness and I could see the bottom of the belly panel every time I looked in the mirror! Aarrgghh! And I bought two pairs of their jeans and one pair of jean capris. I wonder if they'll all be this uncomfortable! I wonder if it's because I don't really have a true bump yet, just a general rounding, and there is nothing to hold it up? I don't know but it's driving me nuts!

In other news we had our level 2 anatomy scan last Tuesday. It went well. Even though I didn't really want to know the gender, I wanted to try to get a clue. I wouldn't trust my own guess but I just wanted something to even try to guess on. Well, I saw no boy parts or anything that I thought might be boy parts. And once the tech said "she." When I told my hubby that later he said at one other point she said "he" as well. Ha ha. I totally missed that one. I convinced myself this baby is a boy and sort of want a boy now but there is still a part of me that really really wants a girl. I guess the good news is I'll be happy either way! We got some cute pictures of the baby (albeit blurry) and we have to go back next week (two weeks later)! They couldn't quite get all the pictures of the chambers of the heart they needed. I also found out if they do 3D/4D ultrasounds there and they do. They recommended I come back between 26-30 weeks (the tech) or 26-32 weeks (the receptionist) so I'll probably make my appointment for sometime around 29-30 weeks.

I'm now down 4 pounds from January and 2 pounds from March (forgot to weigh myself in February, the month in which I actually got pregnant). It doesn't make much sense but I'm not going to question it! I definitely eat less for dinner and less after-dining munching than I used to. I'm simply not that hungry.

My hubby is so cute. I will be 20 weeks tomorrow and I just showed him a picture of what a 20-week baby looks like (on my Pregnology ticker) and he said, "Aww, I want to hug the baby." I can't wait to hug the baby either!

I did not do much for Father's Day. I just got him a cute card. I figure next year will be the first official one so I can do more then. I mean really, he hasn't had to father yet. :)

June Update

It's been awhile since I've written. In that time my hubby started his new job. He's on his second week now and really likes it so far. Thank God! Also we took a camping trip over the weekend as well and I did OK. It was really hot but under the trees it was gorgeous. I kept panicking because we slept on an air mattress and the most comfortable way to sleep was on my back (I guess the weight was more evenly distributed that way rather than with side sleeping) and I literally had just read the day before we left that back sleeping was bad during pregnancy. I'd fall asleep on my side but wake up on my back. Probably every time my hubby moved I got bounced around. Ha ha. It was really rough in there. As we packed up the stuff I was thinking it might be two years before we use it again. I don't see myself going any bigger than I am now (not that I'm big yet) and I don't really know if I'd be up to taking a 6-month-old. (I don't really like to camp in the summer so May would be the latest I'd want to go before fall, and our bambino is due in November.)

I had my midwife appointment today. All went well! I got to hear baby's heartbeat and some noises that indicated movement. What a great sound! I still have moments where I have a hard time believing this is real. I guess I don't feel much different, I don't like much different, and I spent so much time wondering if I'd ever be pregnant that it's hard to realize that it DID happen. I have to start drinking 80 ounces of water per day (so about 5 bottles) and taking a calcium magnesium supplement at night (which my massage therapist recommended awhile back as well). My midwife also wants me to stay away from all processed foods and fast food. It's going to be tough. But my desire is to have a homebirth so I have to keep my blood pressure in check. Today it was 130/80. She said that was fine but was more interested in what it has been in the past. I thought it was 118/84 5 weeks ago but I really couldn't remember. I booked my anatomy scan for June 14th (Flag Day). I'm sad because my hubby can't make it. He has been to every appointment except for one until today. So his unemployment definitely had a silver lining but I know he's much happier to be working.

In other news I am the same exact weight as I was in January before I got pregnant. I lost a few pounds (and at one point seemed to even gain a few but then came back down) and now I'm holding steady at my January weight. Crazy! I know I don't have as much of an appetite as I used to. So much for eating for two!

Homebirth! Yay!

I met a midwife (K) today. I took a half day and my hubby and I (on his last day of unemployment!!) drove out there. We were over a half hour early and I did not realize until I shut the car off. So we decided to go grab lunch and come back so I started the car and backed out and I saw K come out of the building and motion to us. So I pulled back in and got out and she said, "Let me guess, you had no idea how long it was going to take so you left early and got here early." I said, "Yep!" and she told us to come on in because she was free.

The meeting went well and my hubby and I are going to go with her. She is fine with my being overweight as long as I don't have issues like high blood pressure or glucose issues. So far my blood pressure is fine. And if I do develop those problems there are herbal supplements I can try. I also read about certain diets that can help with the HBP.

So I'm very excited! We have to figure out where we are getting the money to pay for this and we have no idea if insurance will reimburse us. I feel this is the right decision for us though and I feel very happy and relieved!

Is baby depleting my brain cells? Plus...midwife update!

I'm starting to notice I'm doing some stupid things. I'm pretty sure my baby is sucking my brain cells out.

Here is an example. I put clothes in the dryer the other day but did not turn the dryer on. Instead I turned the washer on and went upstairs. I kept hearing water running and couldn't figure out why. Suddenly it dawned on me I turned the wrong knob. The washer was full of water and twisting and whirling away with no clothes in it. Meanwhile the dryer was full of wet clothes just sitting there.

The other night I was at my parents' and had my bag on the dining room table while we talked. Then we left to go get something to eat but took separate cars (hubby and me in one, Mom and my "baby" sister in the other) since my mom had to go food shopping after dinner right near where we were eating dinner. I did not notice this until we got in the car after dinner but there was a water bottle in my cupholder that was not mine. It was not my husband's either. I sent my sister a text asking her if she had a particular brand of water bottle and she said she did but she could not find it. I guess I just took her bottle with me and put it in my cupholder although I have NO RECOLLECTION of doing so!

In other news I had a weekend where I spent a lot of time in thought! On Friday I decided I was switching to the new midwife and I thought I was at peace with my decision but it nagged and nagged at me. I realized I still wanted a homebirth and did not try hard enough to find someone who would support me through this. I Googled a search term I guess I had not used before because I hit the jackpot this time! I found several midwifery practices in our area that do only homebirths/water births (no hospitals or birthing centers). I emailed two of them right away. One wrote back almost immediately to say she could not travel to my area and she is full for November anyway. Her partner would have traveled to my area but will still be out on maternity leave when it's time for me to give birth. She did give me two suggestions though, one of which I had already written to. I heard back from both of those women today. I have a consultation iwth the one on Firday! The other one also offered me a consultation but I have not written back to her yet simply because I'm not sure how I can take all this time off work. I'm wondering if I should meet with the one, see if it feels like a match, and only meet with the other one if I don't feel good with the first one. So many decisions! I feel like this is one of the most important decisions of my life though! And I guess that is why I just cannot "settle" for something I'm not keen on. Ever since finding these women I've been so excited. I feel like my heart is finally happy! I hope it can stay happy and that I have luck with one or more of these women. Both have told me that they do not base their decisions on weight alone but on the overall health of the mom. So let's hope one of these works out! It is what my heart desires!

Baby names

I've had my top girl name picked out since 1995 and my top boy name picked out since sometime in the last decade. My hubby likes them both and I always assumed that is what we'd use. However, I just found out that my top boy name is in the top 20 in our state! I've always been one to like "different" names. This other name I liked but always thought was too "unique" popped back into my head the other day and I can't shake it. I asked my husband and while he doesn't hate it, he thinks it sounds too upper class for us lowly middle class people. A player on our city's soccer team has this name and our city's baseball farm team has the same name. So I think hubby is starting to realize it's not that upper class.

I swear up and down the baby is a boy most days and I just said to my belly, "Are you a S______ or a N______?" S is the new name I cannot stop thinking about and N is my old standby that I'm now afraid is just too popular. Anyway, in response, my hubby totally just cracked me up and said, "Neither, I'm a girl!" in this fake baby voice. He, along with my parents and most of my siblings and my niece, thinks it's a girl. I don't know where I'm getting the boy vibe but it's really making me want a boy. I'm imagining camping trips and baseball games. This does not mean I do not want a girl. It's hard to explain. Up until about three years ago I always figured my first baby would be a girl and I only really wanted a girl and felt I'd be disappointed to have a boy. But I no longer feel that way. I truly feel I'd be happy with either and would actually want the opposite gender for Baby #2. That's how badly I want to experience both.

Update - attempt #3, second midwife, and some good news!

We had a busy "baby" week this week. Monday I took a half day from work and my husband and I went to visit a second midwife for a consultation. I haven't made the switch yet but I think I will. First of all she was overweight like I am so when I told her how I'd been treated by my previous midwife she was pretty horrified. She also has PCOS and used the same fertility doctor I used to get pregnant (many years ago)! My hubby and I liked her much better. The only issue is she is farther away (like double the distance) and her C-section rate is about 20-22%. That is still much better than the national average but it does worry me.

Yesterday we went back to the Fetal Diagnostic Center for one more attempt at a nuchal translucency (NT) ultrasound. This time the baby was too big! Our tech last week said the baby was 70 mm and needed to be 84 mm or less to do the test. Yesterday the baby was 87 mm! He/she grew 17 mm in 5 days which seems like a lot to me. I think I might just drop all the screenings now. There is one more I can do which is just a blood test called a quad screen but I think I'm going to drop it. It was nice to get to "see" the baby a few extra times and see that heartbeat going, which was 147 bpm yesterday.

My husband and I have been married for two and a half years. He spent the first year of our marriage unemployed, then had a temporary job for 10-11 months. He's been out of work now since August. He had an interview on Friday and got a call on Monday that he's been hired! We are so relieved and so excited and I almost fainted when I heard how much money he'll be making. Now I'll be able to buy the baby things I want and get us new bedroom furniture which we have not gotten. We're also going to be taking a "babymoon" in July up to Niagara Falls and Toronto. I'm so excited!

Quick update on attempt #2!

I'm very tired and not feeling so well right now (so much for second trimester greatness...ha ha!) but I wanted to take a moment to post about today's ultrasound. The pictures were even blurrier than the other day (sob!) and the baby was not in the right position. So we get to try one more time on Tuesday and then after that we give up on sequential screening. Part of me feels like giving up now, that maybe it's not meant to be that we do it. But we'll give it one more try and see how it goes. I'm getting weary of having to ask to leave work early or come in late or take an early or late lunch for appointments. My boss is very understanding but I don't want to take advantage. That's all for now!

Baby is fine - such a wiggle worm!

I finally got to see our baby again on the ultrasound screen. He/she was moving all over. As soon as the tech put the wand on me DH saw the baby's arms going all over. It was such a relief. And she was able to record the heartbeat at about 167 beats per minute. It was such a relief.

She was not able to get the measurements she needed though. She even had me roll on to my left side and was doing all sorts of stuff to get the baby to move. I will be going back on Thursday. I'm excited for another look at my bean! I'm so relieved everything is fine!

I wound up telling LOTS of people today - all my coworkers that were in and over a dozen friends. A few friends and our families already knew. So now almost everyone on my "list" of people not to forget have been told.

I'm now starting to rethink the whole midwife thing. I'm just so impressionable. My husband's friend's wife was telling me about how I should use this hospital near us and she's heard such great things and a coworker was recommending an OB/GYN there. I wish I could just hear things and know they were signs and not wonder, or know it's just that person's opinion and means nothing.. It's just their opinion but I do feel that sometimes God talks to us through other people. I'm going to go to this appointment on Monday with the other midwife and just see how things go. I heard one time that when faced with a decision we should pray our desire for the one will be increased and the other decreased. So I need to do that. Midwife #1, midwife #2, doctor, someone else? I wish these things were easy.

Well, it's late and this mama is headed to bed!

First midwife appointment

I have not written for awhile. I meant to write last week. So much has been going on. In my last post I was writing about how I thought I was starting to get nausea. Well, there is no longer any question about that! It hit at 10w2d and it has been hanging around. The last day I felt really terrible is Friday when I was 12w2d and then I had a really good weekend with NO nausea. I was starting to think today that maybe I don't have it anymore but I felt sick after dinner tonight. Almost every day I've been sick it's been in the afternoon and evening. One morning last week or the week before I did throw up once. Sometimes brushing my teeth and tongue can really set off my gag reflex and that's what happened. Last night I couldn't even finish flossing. I was just gagging so bad.

We bought a baby shower gift for our friends whose shower was yesterday and while I was at Babies R Us I picked up some Preggie Pop drops for myself. They help, at least while they're in my mouth.

Tomorrow is our sequential screening test at 1:30 in the afternoon. I'm very anxious. It will be our first ultrasound in almost three weeks. I know for many women that is very frequent but starting out with an RE meant I got lots of ultrasounds and got very spoiled by it. The ultrasounds were all vaginal and I got to hear the heartbeat at the last of them.

I am very anxious about tomorrow because last Wednesday (4/27) I had my first midwife appointment. Earlier in the month (4/5) I had a consultation and I decided to book the midwife even though I wasn't 100% sold. I felt like she had an issue with my weight and kept making comments that were annoying me. Well, after this week I'm really considering switching. We had a good appointment up til the point when she said she'd try to hear the heartbeat. I laid back and she used the fetal doppler over my belly/pelvis region. It was definitely a different tool than the RE had used and being used differently. She said at 12 weeks she might not be able to hear anything. I was fine with that. I knew it probably wasn't as sensitive as the one my RE had used and not as close to the "source." She kept trying and was only picking up my heartbeat. My husband mentioned how we had heard it before at the RE's office and I don't know if that made her worried but then she started asking me if I was bleeding (no) or if I was nauseous (not at that moment). While she continued searching for the heartbeat somehow the subject of my progesterone came up. I mentioned how I always thought it was low but the RE always said it was fine. She asked what it was and I told her always between 12 and 16 until my last appointment at 10 weeks and it was 17 then. She said that was low in her opinion, she likes it to be about 20. I told her it was that low even with supplementation in the form of Endometrin suppositories. She asked if I was still on them and I told her they said to take it to 11 weeks but I had about 10 left and they were so expensive I didn't want to just toss them. I continued to take them twice per day til that Saturday (11w3d) I think and then for the next four days I just took one per day with my last one being at 12 weeks. She said that was very good that I continued to take them and I told her I might have continued but I was out of them and had no refills. At that point she had stopped trying to hear the heartbeat and started working on drawing blood. She said she was going to test my progesterone as well and I asked her if it was low if she'd want to supplement still. And her response was, "Well, we have to make sure your baby is OK first." So she went from telling us it was perfectly normal if we couldn't hear the heartbeat and once she couldn't find it and we had the progesterone conversation she is acting like there is a potential problem.

She gave us a prescription for sequential screening and some genetic counseling and then told me I could come back in a week if I wanted to try to hear the heartbeat again, or I could get an ultrasound. Teary-eyed I said I'd like an ultrasound and she told me that I would be getting one with the sequential screening. At that point I had been waiting 48 hours already for the hospital to call me back (I already knew I was going to be getting the prescription so was trying to be proactive about getting an appointment since I was already nearing 12 weeks). So I was very anxious about how long it was going to take them. They wound up calling me that afternoon and saying the earliest they had was May 3rd which sounded so far away. I was so in la-la land I didn't realize that was less than a week away and we were at the end of April! So I'm going tomorrow.

Needless to say when we left the midwife, my husband and I were very upset. We went outside when we were done and he said, "You are not miscarrying. You are not!" The good news is I have symptoms still and I have absolutely no spotting. I'm doing everything I can possibly do at this point and there is no reason to worry (except she put it in my head that something could be wrong). So it's been a long six day countdown from last Wednesday until tomorrow but here I am in the last 24 hours now.

I wrote on a couple message boards about what happened and I was flooded with suggestions to find a new midwife. In addition to the scare she has made so many comments about my weight. Before even hearing my medical history she deemed me unfit to give birth in her birthing center and immediately told me I had to give birth in a hospital due to my weight. If I got in the whirlpool I could get stuck and no one would be able to lift me out. Or she wouldn't be able to see or feel (I forget) the placenta due to my "subcutaneous fat tissue." Those were from our consultation. Then during the first appointment she was going to take my blood pressure and said she had to go get the "bigger cuff." I don't see why she had to announce that. Then she came back with it and told me it was going to be tight because my upper arm was so "wide" and then when it came back at 118/84 she said, "Is it always like that?" as if surprised my blood pressure could be good when I must be the size of a whale! Also when she asked me my pre-pregnancy weight and then my weight that day at 12 weeks she was so surprised they were exactly the same and told me I could actually lose weight. (Well, thanks, but that's not my goal now. I've spent the last 7 years trying to keep the weight off after a great weight loss but it has all crept back on and then some! My goal right now is to have a healthy baby at a healthy weight!)

All these women and their support gave me the courage I needed to start looking for a new one (not to mention the fact that I think my husband hates the woman!). I'm still not 100% sure I'll switch, not because I feel she deserves another shot or because I don't feel I deserve her attitude/treatment, but for the simple fact that there are few midwives around here. One I called has the same rule she does (BMI over 30 = hospital birth only, no exceptions) so that was out. I was going to call another one (practice of 3) but read terrible reviews online as well as heard a bad (secondhand) account of how they are, so figured that could be a last resort. I even called my OB/GYN's office even though that is not what I want but figured maybe with a doula a hospital/OB birth could be OK. However, they are already triple and quadruple booked for all their appointments and they are quite far from my work (30 minutes) so I can see my having to miss tons of work with all the prenatal appointments. I then checked my insurance carrier's provide list and found one midwife I never heard of. She is not that close either but I read some great reviews of her online (although my current midwife has rave reviews online as well so I'll take that with a grain of salt) and I called and have a consultation with her next Monday. If it feels like a better fit, I'll switch.

I'll update tomorrow, I'm hoping with good news from our ultrasound! Good night.

Morning sickness at 10 weeks?

I am still unsure but I think I may have had morning sickness hit me at 10 weeks. Friday (10w2d) I felt really nauseous before lunch. Once I ate I felt much better and stayed that way for the rest of the day. Saturday I felt fine until I was at a jewelry party in the afternoon. I ate a small brownie and some fruit and dip and instantly felt nauseous. The feeling did not go away the rest of the day. We met my parents and youngest sister for dinner and I ate some soup but felt so nauseous I could not get my dinner down. The feeling stayed with me til bed. On Sunday I was fine until right after dinner. I ate dessert and instantly felt sick then. Monday (yesterday) I had the feeling almost as soon as I woke up and it just got worse and worse. I was so sick last night I wanted to cry. I went to Babies R Us and somehow walking around I guess distracted me from it. I was searching for Preggie Pops. I did find them and bought a bag as well as a container of the Preggie Pops drops. Today I feel much better although just a bit off, not quite 100%.

My hubby did crack me up last night. He talks to my belly already even though I'm sure the baby can't hear him yet. I don't discourage him because I find it adorable. He was saying to the baby, "Be nice to your mom. You're being mean to your mom, making her sick. Please be nice." It just cracked me up. He talks so matter-of-factly to our baby.

I called my midwife today after not getting a response to my email from last week about the first trimester screening. I'm still very on the fence as to whether or not I want to get it done. My RE was the one who suggested I get it done and told me to ask my midwife if she did it. She said she could give me a prescription and I should get it done by 14 weeks and I should call now and make the appointment. She did warn me though that I need to decide beforehand what I'm going to do with the information. Would I terminate the pregnancy? (I cannot even imagine.) Would I just want to be prepared if something were wrong? Is it better to just not know at all? So these are things my hubby and I must sit down and discuss.

Our last ultrasound - so sweet.

We had our last ultrasound today. My husband remembered the camera and I'm so glad he did. He may have missed the cutest part just because it happened immediately before he had a chance to get the camera on. As soon as the doctor put the ultrasound on the baby's arms were waving around. The doctor is saying, "Hi, Mom! Hi, Mom!" I almost cried. He does have video of the heartbeat though.

The heartbeat was 169 today. My progesterone was 17. That is the highest it's ever been! It's sort of had me worried but I know now that it's not as important. I can finish my Endometrin suppositories next week.

Well, I'm a tired mama again.

More announcements! And eve of last ultrasound.

We are on a roll with our announcements. Sunday we told my parents and two of my sisters. Monday (yesterday) I told two friends that are also coworkers and my two brothers. Then we went to my mother-in-law's and told her and my brother-in-law. Today I told my closest aunt and my best friend. I am praying everyone keeps this news to themselves because the last thing I want is for someone I'm close with to hear it through the grapevine instead of from me. I just only have so much time each evening to make any calls and some of them (like tonight's with my best friend) are over an hour. We haven't had much time to talk since February as she had her little guy a month ago and has been so busy with him.

It is overwhelming just how happy everyone is for us. We've gotten tears (my aunt and my one friend at work), shouts, hurrahs, confusion (mother-in-law), questions, and hugs. My best friend told me I made her day. :)

I think the "strangest reaction" award has to go to my mother-in-law. First I have to explain she's kind of obsessed with Johnny Depp and when we handed her the ultrasound picture she said, "Oh, I thought you were giving me a picture of Johnny Depp." I am not sure but I think she might have sounded disappointed it wasn't. She's been begging for a grandchild for the longest time. Then she tried to feel my belly. I'm not even 10 weeks. My baby is the size of an olive. There is nothing to feel. She is too funny.

Tomorrow is our last ultrasound with the doctor and then we move on to the midwife. I'm feeling really bittersweet. I want to go there every week for the next 30 weeks (although at a $30 copay per visit that would really add up!) so I can see our little bean. This will be our last ultrasound until the big one. I know I'm very lucky that I've had so many already.

Well, I'm one tired mama. I'm off to bed.

Our first announcement!

I told my parents and youngest sister tonight! The cat is out of the bag! I did not do it in the way I planned. For some reason I got a case of the jitters and just held up the ultrasound pictures and blurted out, "You know what this is?" My youngest sister said, "An ultrasound." Then I don't really remember what I said, maybe something like, "Yeah, but whose?" And my mom says, "Are you expecting?" And my husband is joking saying, "Our dog is pregnant." I was just standing there with this nervous grin and my mom asked to see it and I showed her and my sister who was sitting next to her and then my dad and they were all just so excited. My dad is just thrilled to have his first "local" grandchild. We live a half hour from my parents and my other siblings with kids live about two hours away. They don't get to see them as often as they'd like so this will be a treat to see their grandchild weekly (or maybe more but as of now we see them every Sunday for dinner).

My dad asked me if I had morning sickness and I told him no, I was just really tired, and he said I was just like my mom and she never had morning sickness either and got really tired with her last (my youngest sister). Then he told me to make sure I drank plenty of fluids. That was his fatherly advice. He also wanted to know which hospital I was delivering at. My mom was just blown away by the ultrasounds, about how much detail she could see of the baby on the 7-week ultrasound. The 8- and 9-week ultrasounds got blurrier. She is already talking about turning their spare bedroom into the baby's room, saying she needs to get a high chair at her house, etc. I love how excited they are!

I called another sister on the way home. She did not answer but called back a bit later to say she was putting her little guy (not quite 3 years old) to bed. She said she thought she'd call me back to see if I needed something and I said, "Nah, I just wanted to tell you you're going to be an aunt!" She shrieked and yelled, "First of all, that's awesome. Secondly, I told my husband you called and he said, 'Call her back, maybe she's calling to say she's pregnant.'" How funny is that? We got a laugh out of it! So she's excited too.

I still have to tell my brothers and my other sister. Then I can start telling extended family and some close trustworthy friends. I'm still planning to wait until the second trimester to make the Facebook announcement and tell my coworkers and the "world."