Five months! Don't blink...

Five months have gone by in the blink of an eye! There are so many firsts. Little man is now sitting up on his own! He doesn't last terribly long but he's doing it without assistance. He also started day care two weeks ago. I left him there on Thursday, April 5, and Friday, April 6. I SOBBED after leaving him on Thursday. I went back and lunch time and nursed him (as I was planning to do when I returned to work) and sat in the rocking chair and sobbed again. It was one of the hardest days! Friday my husband had off (Good Friday) and we dropped him off and then went out to breakfast. We wound up springing the little guy out of there shortly after lunch. I couldn't leave him there any more when we were home. I was so sad! Monday we had the day off to go to a baseball game and Tuesday was the real deal, my first day of leaving him and going to work. I am SO glad it was suggested to me to leave him a few days before going to work. Oh, my gosh! I barely cried at all on Tuesday whereas on Thursday I sobbed! I can't imagine if I had gone to work like that. Now there is the chance I wouldn't have cried if I was at work but I would not put money on it. I had a few days to see he would be OK and survive without me before having to concentrate on work! Going back to work was both weird and familiar. In some ways it was like I never left, never had an almost six-month break. In other ways it felt weird. The dread of returning to work was definitely worse than the reality, thank God for that. He does not take a bottle very well. They can get him to take a little bit in the morning and then again in the afternoon. I nurse him at lunch and when I get home from work I just sit and nurse him on the couch for awhile. He knows what he wants! And a bottle is not it. I say he drinks just enough to survive and that's it.

April Update & The End of My Maternity Leave

The long-dreaded night is here. Tomorrow I will be taking my boy to day care and leaving him there for the first time. I am really upset and emotional and just trying to talk myself through it. I am not actually returning to work until Tuesday but I thought we would do a few "dress rehearsals." Besides missing him, obviously, my main concern is that he will not take a bottle. I'm really nervous about this. I feel like I failed somehow. He had bottles the first four days of his life and then on and off til the end of January. He started refusing and I couldn't get him to take one since then. He screams. It is very upsetting for us both.

Other than that I think things will be OK. We visited last Friday and again on Monday just so he could get used to being there and he met the other boys in his "class." I dropped the diapers and wipes off on Monday so now tomorrow I just have to put his crib sheet on and take all the normal weekly and daily items (changes of clothes, tuition check, bottles, milk, pacifier).

I am so nervous about getting us out of the house every morning with all our stuff. I just know I'm going to forget something. Once I start work again I'll have to remember my work bag, breastpump, and my food for the day in addition to his stuff. It's a lot to remember early in the morning.

I have been so enjoying this age. He giggles a lot. He shrieks (cute for a little while anyway, ha ha). He smiles tons. He blows raspberries. He grabs his feet. He is just adorable. Tonight I caught him looking at his daddy and just smiling from the other end of the couch.

My maternity leave was so long, it sort of felt like it might never end. But 25 weeks have passed and the next one will have passed in the blink of an eye. I think we did a good amount of fun things. We went to three matinees (two specifically for moms and babies). We went to La Leche League meetings, support groups at the Breastfeeding Resource Center, a couple of playdates. We also started chiropractic care which was three days per week for me and he came along to all of them but only was adjusted once per week. He has just been my little sidekick for so long now. I'm not going to know what to do without him.

My hope and prayer is still that I can go to part-time. I'd have to wait a few weeks anyway for my husband's full-time job to start. I have to remain full-time to carry health insurance for us but once he gets his on April 23rd we can switch to his I hope.

I hired a cleaning lady and she starts this Saturday. If I have to work full-time (or even most of the time) I do not want to spend the few precious hours I have with my son working around the house. I want to spend quality time with him. I'm so excited to have the house all clean. Good-bye, dust bunnies!