Breastfeeding

For awhile now (I'd say at least a month, but probably longer, maybe even since we brought him home) my little guy has a pretty alert period for a few hours before bed, starting at 10:00 or 11:00 p.m. I used to call it his fussy period but now I'm realizing he isn't really fussy during this time, just very alert. He usually doesn't settle down til 1:00 a.m. or later. Well, yesterday I was just exhausted. I felt I'd never make it til 2:00 a.m. At 10:00 p.m. I finished nursing him and put him in his Rock 'n Play sleeper. He was all smiles and wide awake.

When he was six weeks old I had started sleep training him, putting him down when he was drowsy but still awake. I don't take a lot of parenting advice from people especially when it's unsolicited (I'm stubborn) or from people I don't necessarily think are the greatest parents (ha ha!). But my postpartum doula and my sister had both told me different stories that made me want to do this. My postpartum doula had said that her little one nursed to sleep until she was quite old and I asked if that was a problem and she said it was. And now I don't remember what she said. Then I told my sister after I had been doing the sleep training for awhile that I would put my son down when he was drowsy but still awake and she said she did the same, she never let them nurse to sleep because she had seen too many of her friends have babies that would only nurse to sleep, and then if Mom couldn't be there for some reason, there was a problem. I wasn't sure if sleep training was "mean" but I feel I'm doing it in a kind way. If he has a legitimate issue, I will pick him up. If he seemed hungry still or if he needed a new diaper, I would not just leave him there. I don't believe in "crying it out." I stay right there with him for the most part. I will tidy up the bedroom or go in the bathroom (next room over) and wash my face and brush my teeth. I do not pick him up though unless, as I said, he has a real problem. He will sometimes fuss a bit and I give him a pacifier when he does this and I gently rock the RnP. And he always drifts right off to sleep.

So last night I was very tired. At 10:00 p.m. I was ready for sleep! I put him in there and he was happy but he did not look at all tired. I put on his "Frankie the Frog" (which has a heartbeat tone and lights), gave him a pacifier, turned off the lamp, and rocked him gently. He took an hour but he finally fell asleep.

This morning I woke up to my husband's alarm, something I haven't done for weeks since I'm usually so exhausted then, at 6:45. I felt wide awake and refreshed! I woke up my husband and my son was still sleeping away. I finally woke him at 7:40 because even though he didn't seem hungry, Mama needed him to eat!! (I was very full and it was getting uncomfortable.) He nursed but still seemed drowsy. I changed him and got my shower and nursed him again. I was all dressed and ready by 9:30 a.m.! It felt great and it was certainly a first. Next week I have a quite a few activities lined up (such a moms' meeting, an LLL meeting, and a moms matinee, which is a movie you can take your baby to without worry crying will disturb the other patrons because the other patrons are all mommies with babies too!) but this week I couldn't think of anything. I checked out the schedule for a local breastfeeding support center though and it just so happened that their support group was today so I went to that! I hadn't been there since I was about 37 weeks pregnant.

I am so blessed that breastfeeding is going so well. So many women really struggle with it, with supply issues, pain issues, latch issues, etc. And I know I'm extra lucky because I had a C-section and I know that can really hinder breastfeeding, not to mention I have PCOS which seems to cause supply issues for so many. I feel like the Universe decided to just give me successful breastfeeding since conception and birth did not come easy to me. (Pregnancy was great though and labor was OK until everything went wrong!) I don't think I'm depressed but I still find myself crying when I think about the labor and the birth and how things went. I feel like I cheated...and was cheated. I have to keep centering myself again and remembering just the sweet relief I felt when I heard my son's cries and knew he was all right. Right then I knew I had made the best decision I could have in that moment, not that I ever felt I made that decision. I just remember a doctor saying "C-section" and I nodded. I don't think they were really giving me an option at that point, at least not making it clear I had an option, and things were happening so quickly that it just felt like the next right step. If I learned one thing while giving birth, it was that everything changes and you can't really make plans. If I ever have another baby and write a birth plan, I think it will feel really silly to call it a plan. Plans change. Reality happens. I keep thinking of that saying, "We make plans and God laughs." I just keep trying to remember all this but I replay the events of those days (the day I was in labor, the day he was born, and the days after) over and over in my head. I don't recall a lot after he was born. I was so tired and I think the meds did not help. But my friend had a baby 8 days ago and I just read a lovely birth story and they just remind me of how mine did not go well and the tears start flowing!

So I am just super grateful that breastfeeding is going so well. I put my son on the scale while I was at the center and he was 16 pounds, 10 ounces. I do not count that as his official weight since he was fully clothed. Then I nursed him for 7 minutes and put him back on the scale and he was 16 pounds, 13.5 ounces! So I could tell he got 3.5 ounces in a feeding. I thought it was cool to have that knowledge. I always wonder how much he is getting! I can see how much I pump in a certain amount of time but that varies throughout the day. Hmm, I just realized though, that is liquid ounces and and the scale was weight. Ha ha, blond moment! But I think that is how lactation consultants figure if the baby is getting enough by weighing before and after a feeding so I'm not completely off base, nor I was the only mom there that did it. And my boy got 3.5 ounces in 7 minutes. Another baby got 4 ounces in 40 minutes. She is 5 weeks younger though so maybe he is just more efficient now in getting the milk out.